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i made this pasta from smitten kitchen (the pictures are hers, not mine) on wednesday and though it was a hit on wednesday night, i have to say that i enjoyed it even more leftover for lunch yesterday.
if you haven’t been to this delightful food blog, and you love to cook or you just love great pictures of good food, you should definitely check it out. i spent hours there this week looking for new inspiration for this slower in produce, hotter than heck, late august season. there is still great food to be made, even if the blackberries at the river market are long gone (but not forgotten). i am going to try this tomorrow, because i noticed at the river market last week that the bigger squash varieties are in.
and here’s the link to the pasta primavera recipe. i did saute my onions and used roasted red peppers, just because i prefer them to raw ones. also i added buffalo mozzarella chunks, because i had it around and you just can’t ever have too much fresh moz in the summertime. (or anytime?)
yesterday, when ben came in from school, he dumped his uneaten lunch out on the table and started to eat it. soon he was walking all over the house holding random bites from his lunch. i said, BEN, please eat your food at the table! you’re dropping crumbs all over the floor and i just mopped this morning!
his response,
we own a mop?
he didn’t even hesitate. he wasn’t trying to be funny. he was dead serious.
where is it?? i’ve only ever seen a broom.
look! here it is in the closet right next to the broom, i replied as i pulled it out. i didn’t mention that i did have to find it this morning in the garage and clean the cobwebs off of it before i could use it.
i have been reading this book for several weeks. i started it because hello, anne lamott has the endorsement on the cover, and we all know that she is amazing. i would love to loan it to you, but it’s overdue at the library and someone else has it on reserve, thereby blocking my ability to renew it so i am forced to let my fines pile up while i finish it. this is a common annoying scenario in my life.
anyway, one of the things blocking me from actually finishing the book is that it is actually like three separate books and i have not yet really sorted through the my thoughts on the first two (eat and pray), so it feels very rushed to move on to the third (love).
the first book i just loved. savored is more like. how could you not? it’s all about italy and food, both of which have enriched my life enormously and of which i could never tire of reading. (unless of course i am writing down everything i eat, per french women don’t get fat, which pretty much puts a damper on the whole reading and dreaming about food. but it also makes my imagination all the more sharp and vivid in the dreaming and reading…should i so desire to torture myself.) so italy. it was just fun and indulgent and everything italy should be.
so then she goes to india. to an ashram. to study with a guru. she’s searching for God. this part is intensely fascinating to me. i love spiritual journeys, my own and others’. there are so many phrases in this section that i wanted to put in my pocket as the exact wording of how it is when you are looking for God. when your heart just longs for meaning and truth and all that is real about life. and what i love about reading spiritual journeys is that the truth comes here and there. snippets. she says several things that i feel i know to be true. at the same time, she says as many things that i don’t believe are true. but still. ultimately i believe if you look for truth, you find it. if you look for it with all your heart. eventually, i believe, it will actually find you.
the whole ask and it will be given to you, knock and the door will be opened, seek and you will find. it just works.
some bits i loved from the part in india:
on letting go:
letting go, of course, is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle of the top of it which we personally turn, and that if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well-that would be the end of the universe.
so then, when she asks what she’s supposed to do with all the energy she usually spends trying to control the world, the guru says to her:
look for God. look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water.
that’s it!
and on her own desire for faith:
faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. if we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our believe would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would be …a prudent insurance policy.
i’m not interested in the insurance industry. i’m tired of being a skeptic, i’m irritated by spiritual prudence and i feel bored and parched by empirical debate. i don’t want to hear it anymore. i couldn’t care less about evidence and proof and assurances. i just want God. i want God inside me. i want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water.
me too.
still reading this book. basically it’s like reading matthew, only from lauren winner’s perspective. for the last two days, i’ve been turning this little bit over in my mind with the hope that it will penetrate my soul…deeply. it’s from chapter 18.
make sure that you do not look down on the little ones, on those who struggle, on those who are further behind you on the path of righteousness. for i tell you: they are watched over by those most beloved angels who are always in the company of My Father in heaven.
then jesus tells the story about the lost sheep, a shorter version than the one in luke that i wrote about last week. and afterwards he says, in lauren’s words,
your Father in heaven does not want a single one of the tripped, waylaid, stumbling little ones to be lost.
anyway this makes for much better meditation than the other things i’m thinking about which include, among other worthless pursuits, chocolate croissants from boulevard and new pants from rei.
today ben’s teacher (whom i love…she’s a wonderful teacher!) asked me to explain why i’m keeping cole at home. she asked what it feels like everyone (who is everyone, really?) is thinking. what are you doing!??! (read: what is wrong with you?)
well, i’m sure everyone is not thinking that. actually most people don’t really care. but somehow i feel the need to explain myself. justify myself. it seems like people (again, i’m not really sure what people) think that cole is deprived. i’m sheltering him all alone home in this house. turning him into a socially awkward freak of some sort. now, are you sure cole doesn’t need anything? my mom asks when she was picking up school clothes for the other two. nope, he’s pretty much good to go in his gym shorts and sandals.
which brings me to the point of this post. the list of ways i’m proving to myself (and you if you care) that cole is indeed, not deprived. in fact, he is very much the opposite.
1. he can wear whatever he wants…within reason.
2. he got to go to boulevard bread company twice last week. (go ahead…ask him why it’s better to shop at the river market than at the grocery store.)
3. he spent friday morning riding the river trail with his dad and me.
4. he is not sitting watching sponge bob because it is too hot to go out for recess.
5. he started football last week.
6. no homework…which ps, makes the THREE football practices this week seem feasible.
7. lunch. no cafeteria ladies. no plastic ziplock bags. plus he had this for lunch yesterday. which beats a pbj any day.
8. he’s 10, which my yoga instructor said just yesterday is the very best age to be. try to remember when you were 10. that was the best age. you could run barefoot everywhere. can’t you just feel your feet squeezing mud through your toes? (we were grabbing the mat with our toes to prepare to balance.) anyway, so we’re going to soak up every little moment of ten. it is not the age to sit at a desk.
9. lots of quality time with simon.
10. he got to start his own blog. yes, it is the debut of everything cole. hopefully, he will learn to type and get to journal online. so he can inform the entire world when and if he is being deprived, but come on, you’ll know he’s lying.
just for now, please don’t tell the other two.
i can’t remember if i have talked about the egg in the hole before. it was a staple at our house growing up. i’m pretty sure my dad started fixing them first. but soon everyone was making an egg in the hole on a fairly regular basis. i know i have kind of worn out the whole egg subject on my blog. i really like eggs. and i really love the amazing farm fresh eggs we get in our basket every month from our csa. (oooh, have you seen whitney’s pepper picture on this month’s csa list??)
anyway, cole has been having a lot of eggs in the holes lately because it’s about the only thing he knows how to make, start to finish, without any help from me. frequently he needs to eat when i am not ready to cook. his metabolism is pretty intense. basically, you just cut a whole in a piece of bread, butter it and crack an egg into it in a hot skillet. today we had them with flair. tomatoes, basil and raspberry jam on the hole, which you also throw in the skillet to toast it. but they are absolutely the very best when made with a thick slice of ciabatta, preferably from boulevard bread company. so good. so good.
i went to a show at a tavern last night. oh yes i did. at about 10:15pm. the show started at 11pm. uh-huh.
yesterday was my dad’s birthday. we don’t really do a lot for his birthday. we have soooo many grandchildren’s birthdays in our family that the adult birthdays sometimes just get lost in the shuffle. oh yeah, that cake is for peter too! isn’t his birthday next week? so we were having dinner for dad’s birthday at my parent’s yesterday, but we hardly even all made it to the table, between illness, football practice, book club, simon’s high maintenance personality and whatever else, the dinner at the table was a flow. a stream of here and there. interruptions. but at some point dad told us that what he really wanted to do for his birthday-besides run a lap for every year of his life early that morning, which he did! 58 laps friends. yes. my dad is in better shape than all three of his children. and always has been. even when we were little scrappy things, he could always go further, faster-anyway, what he really wanted to do was to go see chris denny’s band play. last night. at 10pm. so our kids slept at mother and daddy’s and we went with daddy to the white water tavern. it was crowded…no room for chairs and tables. it was smoky…very smoky. and it was hot. we saw random people we know or barely know. taido doesn’t mind weaving through the bodies to say hello here and there. dad and i kind of staked our spots out on the old wooden floor and settled in. we had time to visit, talking ear to ear, before the show started. then a little during the opening show, only we had to kind of yell. and somewhere in there he told me a little bit about his day, the laps around the track, at the high school that he went to. he played football there. my boys went to football camp this summer on that very same field. the roots are deep. as he ran, he thought about each year, trying to remember what that particular year held…milestones, joys, burdens. finally the music started and we stopped talking and just listened. until about 1 am when i was falling over. daddy said, we can go. really. i’m ready to go. so we left before the final song, before daddy got to say hello to chris, one of many people who has passed in and out of the doors of daddy’s life in this town. we drove home talking about music and the crowd and of the value of getting out and doing something that is different from what we normally do. despite the late hour, dad pulled up a song on itunes that we had talked about when we got home. he wasn’t really that tired. he could have stayed until the end of the show, because he was doing something he loved. which is a great way to spend your birthday. or any day.
i’m talking about arkansas, not me. i don’t want her to be jealous after all my colorado love. really, i love this crazy town. after we dropped off the deprived school children, the homeschooler and i hit the river trail with tai. it’s been a full two years since i biked the trail because i’m slow during pregnancy and even slower post-partum. but it was just as lovely as i remembered. the part of the trail that winds through the trees in burns park is the best. it feels like a poem. a secret. you have to get far enough down the trail to see this lovely little bit. and sadly, many little rockers have never biked, run or even walked the whole trail. it’s a dogtown treasure to be sure. and though it is too hot to live…i enjoyed this sweaty, quiet end to an insane week. winding down from starting the fall schedule without the fall weather. there was something every night this week. and every night next week. the quiet moments in between. i live for them.
ps
in case you were not aware, i rock, apparently. which is very exciting. also exciting is that on the same day that jerusalem tagged me, my little blog hit counter hit 10,000. i know that like 9500 of those hits are my parents, but still. such blog love.
so, even though everyone already knows this…millie truly rocks. just look at those feet. and my sister rocks and rolls. even through tornadoes, which i have insisted she tell in her own words very soon. craziness in wheaton.
oh yes, i’m still talking about crested butte. i could get in my car and drive back right now, even if i had to sit in a dead standstill on the highway because the interstate was flooded in oklahoma city, which is where i was when i wrote the following.
taido drove the first leg from salida to walsenberg. he took this shortcut i’d forgotten about. at cotopaxi, you turn off onto a deserted mountain road that shaves a bit of time off the drive, a benefit of the many trips he and dad have made to colorado is that they know their way around the place.
as the sun fell down in the rear view mirror, i prayed that we’d see one last deer. this was just that kind of road and it was just the right time of day. maybe even a buck, Lord, we haven’t seen a buck yet this week. not two minutes later, a buck and a doe dashed across the road in front of us. they were so beautiful. nothing on earth moves with such grace. oh tai, i just prayed that we would see one last deer! then we rounded a bend and in a large meadow on our right were three huge bucks grazing, in plain sight. not dashing across anywhere. just standing there on display. then before we left our little shortcut road, we saw one more doe. oh Lord, thank you! His gifts this week have been lavish, generous, poured on thick. He is rich in mercy, abundant in love. i am amazed by Him.
i took the wheel from taido at about 8:30pm. he drove until the sun was down while i took in my last views of the mountains. gorgeous red rock cliffs. the arkansas river. the sangre de cristos. it is such a beautiful drive. it takes my breath away again and again.
so i drove the last bit of colorado. when we cross into new mexico, i blow a kiss behind me and thank the Lord one more time for making colorado. i listen to and sing along with the same cds i’ve had in my car for ages. when i’m trying to stay alert, i need something i know all the words to. indigo girls are a staple. i listen to an old andrew peterson cd. i marvel at how all the words of his songs well things up in my own heart…peace, joy, hope, expectance for what is to come, whatever it may be, praise. all these things have not come naturally for me this summer. there have been days i’ve fought for them, but many more days i haven’t had the fight in me. as i sang along, i realized that i was really singing along. words i haven’t felt lately. words about faith, about love, about hope. he sings about hoping for the day we will go home, really home, to be with jesus for always. the words describing our real home include: the meadow green and the river wide, the valley deep and the mountain high. he’s describing something very like what i’ve been experiencing all week. and i discover, as i have before, that what i’m driving full speed ahead towards is not it. the life i look forward to in jesus looks a whole lot more like the week i just had in colorado. there won’t be loved ones in the hospital. the paths will be for walking. or i’ll ride a townie instead of driving a minivan. there won’t be messes to face. i won’t have to wake my babies up and send them to the wolves. i’ll send them to “town” on their bikes and meet them at the park.
and God gives me weeks like this one just when i need them, when i need rest from the world. when i need to remember…it’s not real, this world. i don’t belong here. but i choose to live and be here on behalf of jesus. jesus, who loves me so much, He gives me six deer when i ask for one. i have my van pointed back to my life in arkansas because of His great love.
andrew peterson also sings an old hymn about the lost sheep–the shepherd who leaves his 99 sheep at home to go and look for his one lost sheep. i have always loved this story in the Bible and i love this song about the shepherd crossing difficult terrain to find his sheep. in fact when teaching this story to preschoolers at church, i have been known to use this very song as background music for playing find the sheep which is a game that consists of leading small children around the room to look for tiny little lost sheep and rejoicing when we bring them back to their little wooden block built fold. but for some reason, maybe because i have loved jesus for so long, i have always been moved by this story as one of the 99–cheering for the one that jesus finds. and wanting to help the shepherd, like chief, NON-wandering sheep with whatever He might need for the journey, or with bossing the remaining 98 sheep. but as i drove and sang along with this hymn last night…for the very first time, and completely without intending to, i sang as the lost sheep. really lost and really found. when i pictured jesus stopping whatever he was doing back at the fold to pour out on me this week in colorado, to draw me back, to be found by Him, i was overwhelmed by how much he loves me. loves. me.
the last line of the story (and the song) is rejoice! for the Lord brings back His own.
i am His own and He has brought me back. back to the place where i sing and mean words of praise. back to trusting Him with tomorrow. back to an awareness that my hope is in Him, not in anything on this earth. in arkansas or colorado.
as i imagined jesus finding me, tears filled my eyes and i realized that i have not cried all week. i have cried almost every day this summer…the choking, sobbing kind of crying that is completely outside of my control. but this week it was like i was relieved from all that sadness. once more i realized that God had done a miracle in my heart, a miracle i had very tentatively asked for but maybe didn’t quite believe in on my way out. i didn’t sing on my way out to colorado. i just gripped the wheel and drove and fretted.
i don’t believe that i’m going to weep every day again when i get home, but if i do, i will remember this week and i will rejoice! for the Lord brings back His own. again. and again. and again.
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