yesterday i drove to chicago. again. i love to visit my sister, but this is getting a little ridiculous. she should definitely move closer. how about st. louis? they have a trader joe’s. which is, of course, the other big draw. anna and joe. oh, and a house full of girls. that’s mary polly’s motivation. she would just as soon move in. really. i think she would leave us for the davidsons. well, maybe not simon. but the rest of us for sure.

anyway, 13 hours in the car. (i take my time when i drive alone…i have “pushed it” on so many trips with my dad and husband that it is a relief to go at my own pace. i even let mary polly and ben play at a mcdonald’s playland for an hour while i wrote in my journal.) all that quiet time was so good. mp and ben watched movies and read books. and drew pictures. they enjoyed having the entire minivan to themselves. it’s practically as much room as they have at home to themselves, so they were happy as larks. ben did forget his DS which interrupted my quiet for about 30 minutes while he cried about it. other than that, the drive was very pleasant. even if i was wiped from driving at the end of the day, i had a lot of time alone to think. to pray. to cry. you just have time to process in the car. alone. and quiet. i gave some time to thinking through how moved i was this week by our new community service, which is the monthly wednesday evening service at our church where we take communion and worship in a different way from sunday morning. this week, we were led by two precious young couples who are heading to different parts of the world to fulfill God’s unique calling on their lives. as they each told their stories, in between singing these incredibly lilting, haunting and heart-breaking songs, i leaned way forward, on the edge of my seat, not wanting to miss one word. and yet, as i thought about these four while i drove, i realized that i was most moved by the things that they didn’t say. they didn’t talk about the things they are giving up. they didn’t say they aren’t having children of their own right now because God is calling them to other children, children in india who don’t have parents, who don’t even know what a DS is. or to another life that isn’t very child-friendly. constant travel. they didn’t say that they are leaving their families to serve God far far away. leaving america. leaving what is comfortable. it broke me to think about all they are willing to give up. and yet, they (like so many missionaries before them) are not looking at their lives in terms of what is lost, but only in terms of what is gained. which is life. everything.

the leaves started to change as i got further north. it is colder here, and really fall. reds and yellows and oranges. when i drive a long way in one day, and i see so much, i think about how God can see the whole world. day. night. fall. spring. america. india. europe. china. all in one glimpse. He can take it all in. it does not overwhelm Him. in such a great expanse, He sees me driving north on I-57. He sees my heart.